Most Weird City 2008 CONTEST: Mexico City

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THE MOST WEIRD CITY 2008 CONTEST

Candidates (Still Open): Varsovia, Brasilia, Praga, El Cairo, Toledo, Soria, París (Texas), Béjar (Salamanca), Madrid, México D.F.

JUAN LUIS SÁNCHEZ will suggest us to give a walk across Mexico City, if what we really want to talk of is weird cities. An bases all his following application in the following 17 reasons 17:

1. The confluence and sum of three different cultures absolutely opposed to each other, has lead to the biggest of bizarries, as can be seen in the Three Cultures Square, where elements from the colonial Spaniards, mexican and aztec ones (absolutely obsessed with pyramides) lead to a crazy mosaic.

2. Streets are endless. Once, we where aiming to go to the cinema and we learned from the newspaper that the movie we wanted to see was in Insurgentes Avenue. Exactly where we were. The cinema was in number one of the street. I had a look at the number in our part of the street just to check how far away it was. It turned out we were at 3.459.

3. Spicy food is a WMD (Weapon of Mass Destruction). Everything is spicy hot, everything. Even chips for children. It´s important to take it into account if you do not want to die, because if you haven´t got an iron stomach as the locals, you should always say "NO spice". Don´t be fool enough to ask for "a little spice", because what they understand under those words, is something that would completely anhililate the rest of Humanity.

4. The Danger Index gives it certainly funny, up to a point. I happened to be walking one of the most dangerous neighbourhoods (not knowing) and when I arrived home I was told that the most normal thing there would have been to be kidnapped and to have a ransom asked for my life.

5. The police. According to the locals, if you are robbed, the most important thing at all expenses is not to call the police, because, in that case, you will get robbed even more!

6. The "mordida". That´s good. At least they have a method to solve any problem with the police. It may happen that a policeman comes up to you and crashes one of your car´s lights. He will then threaten you with a fine or with taking you to the police station. The words to use at this situation are: "And how could we possibly avoid this?" The policeman will immediately and gently indicate you how much you´ve got to pay not to be arrested.

7. Road leading to the highways round the city. They simply do not exist. The earth paths leading to a highway are the most usual alternative. You´d better accelerate crazily unless you want to be rolled over by a truck!

8. Size in the City. In Mexico everything is big. The coca cola bottle is giant as a standard, bigger than whatever you will ever get in Spain. The Presidential Palace is gigantic. Ten times Madrid´s Royal Palace. The flag of Mexico blowing in the wind is twenty times the biggest in Spain (Colon´s Square one).

9. Obviously, the shanty towns had to be gigantic too. I was one as big as a medium city in Spain (take Mostoles in Madrid as an example) but with houses made out of mud and unpaved streets.

10. Violence. If you dare greet a woman who is introduced to do, the way you use to in Spain (two kisses on the cheek) you risk to be shot down by her boyfriend.

11. Male Chauvinism (Machismo). No comparisons with Spanish Machist Culture. In Mexico there are people who would send their wife to the USA to prostitute herself and send the money back home to him.

12. The laziness in the locals. Spanish and indian blood runs through their veins and that is obvious. Whenever you ask for anything the answer will ne "Right Away ("Ahorita") I bring it to you" . The "Ahorita-Right Away" concept may vary so much it amounts to an indeterminate portion of time, anyhing from, in fact, right away, to four or five hours. You never know.

13. Racism. In Mexico City it´s easy to determine your social status according to your look, The president, the CEOs, the millionaires are all tall, white, some even blond, etc. Mestizos, mix-raced, will develop intermediate tasks. Street cleaners, doormen, or workers, will be pure indians.

14. Local inhabitants: a living contradiction. When they meet a Spaniard, they will give you warm welcome, infinite care and attention, even to excess, since they regard you as someone frome the "Madre Patria" (Mother Country) . They even regard King Juan Carlos of Spain a little bit, "their" king. But when they take you the NAtional History Museum at Chapultepec, the first thing to welcome you will be a giant picture of an indian killing a Spaniard.

15. The two volcanos to be seen ElIztaccihuatl (the sleeping lady) and the Popocatépetl(smoky mountain). To say it shory, locals call them "Izta" an "Popo". Legend has it they were a princess at Tenochtitlán, and the warrior she loved, Popoca. As she was going to be married to bloody Axooxco, the princess took her life, and Popoca took her to the mountain, remaining next to her on his knees until he died. The volcanos would be them. There are guided tours, though it´s an impossible mission, due to the heigth. Popo 5452 metres high, Izta 5280.

16. México City is a high city. 3. 930 metres above sea level, to be exact. To get accoustumed to it, takes time, which makes it perceive it even weirder than it is (in case it wasn´t weird enough for you).

17. More could be said. Its the most weird and bizarre in the world. Its called MOCTEZUMA´S REVENGE. Legend has it Azteck leader Moctezuma wasn´t happy after defeat, so he threw a curse upon Spaniard conqueror Hernán Cortés which happens to occur even today. According to this curse, all visitors to Mexico not be mexican or yankees will suffer a terrible illness upon arrival to Mexico City, called as MOCTEZUMA´S REVENGE. The first sympton is a delicious taste in the mouth which some define as "Better than sex". Next a light uneasiness in the stomach and next the ill one will feel his stomach falling off followard by a terrible diarrea which has been compared by many as giving birth. But that is only the beggining since throwing up a yellow substance that makes you want to be dead will be the last.

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